What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 04:59
She loved him until the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was 9 years of age.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
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I was scared of men, in general
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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I write beautiful poetry .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So whats the point in blame.
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It was going to be , some day.
I will be 64.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why does Boko Haram attack its own Muslims?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She married twice! .
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On the 31st of Jan this month .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Has your wife made you a cuckold?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I have no regrets .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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I had hoped to write a book about this .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why do people think Mirko is boring in My Hero Academia?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So, i spoilt her more .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My life is so biszare .
I could never make a relationship work though!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Comes on , in middle age.
What did i know ?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Put me off passion for life!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im still living with it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I said to her
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ive learnt so much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Would this be the day?
I waited trembling.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I don,t even have a pension.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is soul school!.
And i lived it daily.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But, we were locked up after school.
I was very sick at this time too.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
All the time i was locked up.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it wasn’t much.
We all went to grammer schools
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One cannot live in the past .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He knew the spot.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were not on the streets..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My family never makes their pension either.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When she asked me how she looked .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.